I’m struggling with some anxiety.
Don’t get me wrong, I am over the moon excited about our plans + the opportunity to work with such an amazing doctor to make our baby dreams come true.
But I’m also scared out of my mind.
I’m not scared for a baby. I’m not scared to be a mommy. I’m not scared for our world to change. I’m ready for all that.
What I’m scared of, is this not working.
For two years, I have prayed + wished + hoped for a baby. I have seen doctors and had test, after test, after test. And we’ve heard from a number of those trusted people that there is nothing wrong and this should do it.
But nothing has done it.
And every month I cry over a negative pregnancy test, and every month I want to give up. And every month we try again anyways.
I’m struggling because this is our best hope yet. We’ve got a real shot here at becoming a mommy + daddy at last — but — what if it doesn’t work.
Nothing has worked thus far.
I’m so scared that at the end of this month we will have another failed attempt. And the next month will be the same story.
I want to be full of excitement and only excitement and I really do try (if only you could see my secret pinterest boards).
What does it take to get out of this negative space?
How can I free myself of this fear and trust in not only the doctor but trust in Him that this is our way + our time?
My faith has been down for so long, I need some help raising it up again.
It is not about us and how much faith we have, it’s about Him and how faithful he is.
– Luke 17:6